Some Days

Some days you just know its not "your" day, you know??  today is one of those days!

 last week i woke in the middle of the night from a not-so-great dream and my body felt like it had been taken over by aliens. the room was spinning, i was certain i would be sick all over the floor if i tried to move from the bed, i was hot and sweating. NOT a pretty picture, i assure you. i woke my husband, and he helped me out of bed. i tried for a long time to get back to sleep, and when i finally succeeded, i woke feeling exactly the same.

Plus, now my eyes were having tremors. I was officially. freaked. out. !!

Hubby scrambled to get childcare (thanks to his dad and wonderful grandmother for sitting with the elephants!) and we were off to the doctor.
The walk-in clinic recognized they were in over their head. we called and got an open slot at an ENT my hubby knows from years ago.

After a looooooong very doctor-officish wait, a hearing test, and a quick eye exam, the doctor diagnosed me with "Labryinthitis" also known as inflammation of the inner ear, causing extreme vertigo problems with side effects of eye tremors and nausea. yep, that was me.
my response?
"thanks, David Bowe".
blank stare from the doctor.
oops, guess he was in the throws of medical school during the 80's and missed the movie. (is that possible?)
anyway, the REASON today is not my day, is because i am simple NOT
myself.
the treatment for labryinthitis is a month's worth of steroids (for the inflammation) and a month of anti-vertigo meds.
side-effects?
ooooh, you betchya.
steroids cause extreme mood swings (think pregnancy and times it by 20) extreme hunger (ALL THE TIME!) the computer looks like it would be tasty with the right kind of spicy mustard....
and a sense of extreme energy, with difficulty sleeping.
(I was up til past midnight last night, pinteresting and lesson planning!)
the anti-vertigo meds cause extreme sleepiness, and slight nausea, but are actually helping ALOT with the horrible dizziness.
Not to say that it's gone, just lessened somewhat.

today is NOT my day, simply because i am NOT "myself" i am the steroided hyper/moody/ravenous/sleepy/exhausted/nauseous/ didisaymoody? version of who i normally am.
mix that with two little ones with post-easter sugar highs and a concentration level of zero for any of my (carefully thought out and excitedly planned) homeschool ideas for the day, and you get a recipe for a dizzy disaster.

today is NOT my day.
BE ended up doing a stack of worksheets, on his own, and i checked his work. (after i cried over pinterest home and fashion pages waiting for him to finish). GOOD NIGHT! i really, really do NOT like these feelings, nor the meds that contribute to them.
But, as i cross one more day off my calendar (where i have meticulously written out my doses to keep up with the meds) i know i am one day closer to "normal" and having this behind me. and i know each day, as the world still spins around me, and as the kids still have that special sorta cute but really makes me want to douse them in salsa and eat them attitude about them, i KNOW that there is one steady rock that i can cling to. a shelter in the time of storm.

jesus, thank you that you have risen, you are present, you are with me, and you are still holding me. even if bacon sounds awesome for my mouth but spells trouble for my thighs. even if my kids are driving me nuts and all i want to do is cry. (wow, that could be just about the worst mommy-sounding worship song ever!)

still He is Risen, still He is faithful, still He accepts me just as i am.
he will see me through this, till the Labryinthitis is gone from my body and the meds are finally flushed out...
and i am thankful for that.
I am clinging to that.
Even so, i doubt i will EVER want to watch the movie again in my life.
thanks, David Bowe.