Tuesday, August 9, 2011

when I grow up...

When I grow up, I want to be just the way I am. Okay, maybe like 500lbs lighter than me. With better teeth. But, other than that, I want to be like.... me. Shocking? Maybe. Now that I am old (insert eye rolling for those older than me that keep telling me I am young, yet).. I realize that I am who I am, and doggone it, this is just me.
I find I am alot like the coconut. NO stop the "nuts" jokes now, people. Ahem, as I was saying, I find I am alot like the coconut. Have you ever met anyone who thinks coconut is "just okay"? Nope, me neither. Either you really like it, find it delightful and enjoy it, or you think its gross, annoying and gets stuck in your teeth.
I find to the rest of the people in this world, I am alot like the coconut.
That Bonny girl? (oh, OKAY... "lady"..) Yeah, she's just weird. I don't understand her. She's too loud. What a strange sense of humor. I don't like her. She's too opinionated. She's just harsh.
Oh! Bonny? Yes, I LOVE her, she's such a sweetheart! Gives the best hugs... so friendly, always looking to help out.
Where or when have I ever met anyone who has said "Bonny is alright. I think of her as a pretty nice girl, she seems okay."  ??
I've been told I am "extreme"... (hey, I've also been told I'm mentally ill... no, really, they were mean enough to really mean that!) that I just dont have a middle of the road kind of personality.
Well, I find this to be true. But I'd like to know this...
What is so doggone terrible about being somebody who lives life with passion?
When I have reason to rejoice, I rejoice. I can cry at things that make my heart swell with happiness.
When I have reason to mourn, I mourn. I can cry at things that deeply hurt my heart.
I move through my life with genuine, deep emotion. When things are good, they are very very good. When they are bad, typically, they ARE horrid.
What is so incrediably noble about the art of a "fake smile" in a situation? What's to be admired about hiding out and crying only in secret?
Are we not to be who we are? When did being yourself, for the world to see, become undesireable?
Transparency has a tendancy to make other people uncomfortable. I get that. So, since I do not cover my life with a "front" or a "mask" I guess that is why I make some people incrediably uncomfortable.
Will I be changing who I am or how I go through my life for the sake of a handful of people who "just don't understand me"?? Uh... nope.
When I grow up, I want to live life to the fullest. I want to be able to look you in the eye when you ask me how I am and tell you 'Life is wonderful!" if it IS. Or, "Life is really hard right now, and I am struggling." If I AM! When I grow up I want to be genuine. I want to be transparent. I don't ever want to be afraid to "feel".
If I have offended you, then you are probably among those who just dont get me as a person. I'm sorry. :)
But as I grow up, I am gonna keep the personality that I was blessed with, and I am gonna be me. After all, if I were trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ Jesus. It is my aim to let my life and actions please Him above all else. :) 
Whenever I see that I am a coconut, I remember that Christ is like one too... Jesus? Yeah, you either adore Him or you can't stand Him.

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