Sunday, July 7, 2013

5 Years of Joy

Blue Elephant was 10 1/2 months old, and I was exhausted. I don't mean "mother of a crawling baby" exhausted, I mean utterly going-to-fall-asleep-standing-upright exhausted. The day I fell asleep during his nap time and woke up 2 hours later to him crying vigorously, I knew I was in denial. It was time to take a pregnancy test.

I waited till first thing in the morning....because the tests always say that worked best. I distinctly remember walking out of the bathroom the day I found out I was pregnant with our Blue Elephant, crying. Back then, I was crying from joy.

The moment I dipped the stick, that thing lit up like a Christmas tree. Second time around was the same as the first; it was early morning, I was in the bathroom testing, it was positive, and I was crying. Only, sad to say, in that moment, there was no joy in my heart. Only terror.

Quick children are one week under being 19 months apart. I get asked more often than not "Are they twins?" My gracious reply is now "No, but they are very close...18 months apart, and they sure do love each other!" It took a long time to see the good in having two babes that close together, though I know many, many people do so intentionally, some (saints) have multiples, and that babies are ALWAYS a blessing from the Lord.

But you see, I wasn't 'intending' for this to happen..... I knew He was, but my heart, my brain, my fears, and my pocketbook...oh my!

I distinctly remember with our first baby, coming to wake my husband and both of us being over the moon that I was expecting.

Second time around? I opened the bathroom door, literally tossed the test at him, sat on the bed crying, and said, "Well, I've got deja vu how about you?"

Poor Pink Elephant, it took me weeks to get used to the idea of another baby all over again. I wish I could say I enjoyed the queasy exhaustion of my 1st trimester, but alas, enthusiasm was lacking.
I smiled my way through our Thanksgiving announcement to family, even as we got a lot of quizzical looks. Were we kidding? Um...nope. Baby #2 was on the way.

Of course, it's been over 5 years since those days of "I don't think I can DO this!" and we found our footing. The first time Pink Elephant kicked me, I smiled; the ultrasound showed that pink was in our future, and we really WERE thrilled! Name picking, nursery décor, baby showers, hospital prep, through all of that, we were delighted. The day, the moment, she was born was so very fulfilling. A blessing from the One who really was in charge all along..the One who knew His plans and timing far better than this silly scared young mom ever could have. He knew that not too many months after PE joined us, I would be medically unable to bear more children. You see, if we had waited, if we had done the "family planning" on our own timeline, we wouldn't have our beautiful little girl.

What a void there would be in my my life, in my parenting, in my purpose as a woman, without this sweet one He sent to us. She was never a "surprise"...we knew we wanted more than one little elephant. We just like to say that Pink Elephant was a "year earlier than we planned". And my heart is SO VERY THANKFUL that she was!!!

Happy, happy birthday, sweet Pink Elephant. Thank you for five years of joy, laughter, and love. Looking forward to watching the woman you will become!! <3  


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