5 Years of Joy

Blue Elephant was 10 1/2 months old, and I was exhausted. I don't mean "mother of a crawling baby" exhausted, I mean utterly going-to-fall-asleep-standing-upright exhausted. The day I fell asleep during his nap time and woke up 2 hours later to him crying vigorously, I knew I was in denial. It was time to take a pregnancy test.

I waited till first thing in the morning....because the tests always say that worked best. I distinctly remember walking out of the bathroom the day I found out I was pregnant with our Blue Elephant, crying. Back then, I was crying from joy.

The moment I dipped the stick, that thing lit up like a Christmas tree. Second time around was the same as the first; it was early morning, I was in the bathroom testing, it was positive, and I was crying. Only, sad to say, in that moment, there was no joy in my heart. Only terror.

Quick math....my children are one week under being 19 months apart. I get asked more often than not "Are they twins?" My gracious reply is now "No, but they are very close...18 months apart, and they sure do love each other!" It took a long time to see the good in having two babes that close together, though I know many, many people do so intentionally, some (saints) have multiples, and that babies are ALWAYS a blessing from the Lord.

But you see, I wasn't 'intending' for this to happen..... I knew He was, but my heart, my brain, my fears, and my pocketbook...oh my!

I distinctly remember with our first baby, coming to wake my husband and both of us being over the moon that I was expecting.

Second time around? I opened the bathroom door, literally tossed the test at him, sat on the bed crying, and said, "Well, I've got deja vu how about you?"

Poor Pink Elephant, it took me weeks to get used to the idea of another baby all over again. I wish I could say I enjoyed the queasy exhaustion of my 1st trimester, but alas, enthusiasm was lacking.
I smiled my way through our Thanksgiving announcement to family, even as we got a lot of quizzical looks. Were we kidding? Um...nope. Baby #2 was on the way.

Of course, it's been over 5 years since those days of "I don't think I can DO this!" and we found our footing. The first time Pink Elephant kicked me, I smiled; the ultrasound showed that pink was in our future, and we really WERE thrilled! Name picking, nursery décor, baby showers, hospital prep, through all of that, we were delighted. The day, the moment, she was born was so very fulfilling. A blessing from the One who really was in charge all along..the One who knew His plans and timing far better than this silly scared young mom ever could have. He knew that not too many months after PE joined us, I would be medically unable to bear more children. You see, if we had waited, if we had done the "family planning" on our own timeline, we wouldn't have our beautiful little girl.

What a void there would be in my heart...in my life, in my parenting, in my purpose as a woman, without this sweet one He sent to us. She was never a "surprise"...we knew we wanted more than one little elephant. We just like to say that Pink Elephant was a "year earlier than we planned". And my heart is SO VERY THANKFUL that she was!!!

 

Happy, happy birthday, sweet Pink Elephant. Thank you for five years of joy, laughter, and love. Looking forward to watching the woman you will become!! <3  

 

 

Blueberry Summer

 

 

We went back to our new favorite pick-your-own farm this morning. We were after blueberries and possibly blackberries. God was after so much more.

 

 

They give you these cool picking buckets that strap around your waist so you have both hands free to pick berries.

 

Hubby was interested in finding blackberries more than the blueberries, so he took Blue Elephant and headed over to the other patch. That left Pink Elephant and I to pick and talk while the men were gone.  

"I want to share the berries with the birds, Mama." 

 "Well, then leave the ones that aren't ready yet on the bush, and after we are gone and the berries are ripe, the birds will have those."

"Okay." 

 "Isn't it pretty out here, PE? All the bushes full of yummy berries for us to eat? It reminds me of the garden of Eden."

 " Yes, with Adam and Eve. And then the serpent came and tricked them, and God said they had to leave the Garden and--" Pink Elephant launched into the Bible story, with every single fact in place.

To tell the truth, I was a little surprised how much she had retained!

 I asked her what sin was; she told me. I asked her about Heaven, the cross, and Jesus' love. She answered all my questions. I asked her how she gets to Heaven.

 "Pray and ask forgiveness and ask Jesus to live with me in my heart." 

 " That's right, baby girl. Have you prayed like that before?"

 "No."

  "Would you like to pray about that?"

 "Yes."

 "Would you like to pray here, right now?"

 "Yes!"

 "Okay, you go ahead, Mama will listen." 

 That little Elephant sat down her blueberry basket, clasped her hands under her chin and prayed. "Dear God, I'm sorry for disobeying and for sin. Will you forgive me? I want Jesus to be in me. Amen." 

 Hugs. Tears on my part, and THIS, this beautiful smile from my Pink Elephant.

When I asked her how she felt now, she said "Really, really GOOD!"

I pulled out my cell phone, called Daddy, and he didn't pick up. I went back to crying, (quietly!) but Pink Elephant wasn't done praying!

 "Mama, I want to pray and thank God for all the pretty bushes!"

 "Okay, honey, you go right ahead!"

 I could listen to the prayers of that new creation all day long!!

 "God, thank You for the bushes and the berries and all the yummy fruits and foods You give us. Amen." 

 Thank You, indeed, Father, for the fruit of Your Spirit welling up inside of my beloved Pink Elephant this morning. We were after blueberries and blackberries....You were after So. Much. More. Daddy Elephant called me back. I handed the phone to PE and said "Tell Daddy what just happened, girl!"

"Daddy, I'm a Christian!"

I could hear excited exclaiming from the phone.

I talked to my husband. We both cried! He and BE headed back from the blackberry patch, and Pink Elephant ran to meet him down the row of bushes. My husband grabbed my baby girl in his arms. I'm telling you, my heart was fuller in that moment than it was the day he held her when she was born to this earth. Now our Little Love has been born for Heaven! We got back to the business of picking after awhile, and I guess the excitement put me into hyper-drive. We picked about 10lbs of berries, and I'm pretty sure 8 of those were my doing!

 

 

More pictures of my cuties.

 Taking home our haul.

Ever wonder what happened to poor Daddy Elephant's quest for some blackberries?

They weren't *quite* ready, yet. We are planning on going back to pick again next week. The bit he did manage to pick? Well, somebody turned that into a blackberry cobbler. 

 

Which Daddy Elephant took to work for dinner tonight. Yes, all of it!! ;)

 

 



Yellow, Blue Elephant!

Our Blue Elephant started taking Tae Kwon Do not too many months ago.....and he is LOVING it. He has worked hard and learned much. This June he was able to test for his yellow belt.....first color change on his long journey toward black belt! Testing night proved not to be too scary for him; his confidence level never ceases to amaze me. I don't have many photos of testing night, as I was busy filming it..... but here are a couple. Love how BE is the smallest guy in the pics!!

 

He had to wait one LONG week to get his results. We took some

pictures the morning of class before he received his belt....

Being goofy with daddy before class time..

RUNNING to grab that new yellow belt when his name was called...

He has worked so hard for this!

Look at the excitement and joy on that face <3

 BE's TKD Master is so great with him!

 

 Looking forward to watching our Blue Elephant change belts many times to come.
 Great job, BE!
I love my elephants!!


HEY.....

 

 

Summer's Here!

 

 

Get outside and enjoy it!

 



We Be Jammin'.... heehee

It's strawberry season!! We met up with some friends for berry picking, and naturally, we HAD to make jam with our yummy fruit.

 

It was a beautiful day for berry picking.... slightly overcast and just a little breezy. Not too hot, not too sunny. Just right!

Strawberry freezer jam is one of our favorite things. It's really quite easy to make; give it a go!

Mash 'em. 

 Mash 'em good.

 Stir the pectin and sugar mix. Note: be sure to buy the "freezer pectin" not just regular pectin; this is what makes it work without the boiling method!  



 Add to the berries....



 Beautiful red!!

Pour into jars...

 

Lick the bowl and whisk, of course!!



 Store the jars in the freezer, and begin dreaming of all the delicious ways to use your strawberry freezer jam!!

How we used it on Memorial Day:

 

Stay tuned for more summertime adventures in the herd! :)

 

On Mother's Day

Mother's Day is a holiday that causes me equal parts joy and extreme discomfort. I love being a mother...every part of it has changed me; mostly for the better. But its this holiday that makes me squirm. People all around my life are posting cute pictures of them with their mother, telling sweet memories and stories of childhood. That is wonderful, and I am glad with them that they experienced that love and can look back fondly.

We can't all look back on childhood with fondness, however. Some of us are just 100% relieved that we are grown and those years are passed. Some of us have no pictures to post, no anecdotes to share. Some of us have a hard time even turning onto the card isle this time of year. To honor that which has brought so much pain, judgement, and heartache into my life...that is a hard task to accomplish, for certain.

I know some people will try to tell me that I should "honor my parents while they are here on earth". Should I? Is it ALWAYS the "right" thing to do? To gloss over the years of pain and hurt for the sake of.... ?

I know some people will tell me I need to heal more, that I need to give all of this over to the Lord, and trust that He will help my heart be whole, and that I can love others despite their words, actions, and opinions.

The thing is, I communicate with Him regularly regarding this subject. I pray for love to grow, and for pain to lessen. I'm doing my part, and giving Him my heart. He has done much; I have grown as a parent...I've got more confidence that I can do this "mom" gig successfully moreso than I did a year ago. But healing is a step by step process, a daily commitment to become something different than I used to be, to let go of fear, hurt, anger, pride, insecurity, and the harsh words that seem to hang on and linger no matter how fast I run in the opposite direction. Healing is messy. It cannot be glossed over, it has to be REAL.

In this season of my life, healing does not mean I must be present and celebrating because a calendar tells me so. Right in this moment, healing looks like spending every moment I can with my own little ones, curbing my own words and actions so that their memories are worlds more positive than my own. Right now, healing looks like being a mother, and looking forward, not backward.

As I said, I am extremely glad for all my friends who will be able to hug their mothers tomorrow, to take them out to eat, present the perfect Hallmark card, and enjoy an afternoon of laughter, tears and love.

 Celebrating what motherhood should look like is very important.

 Please just try and remember in the midst of your holiday that there are those whose experience differed drastically. There are those who are doing all we can to smile through the day and step by step recover from the past. Pray for us, that our futures, and our sons' and daughters' futures, may be brighter and that one day Mother's Day will look like we've always hoped it would; with the renewal and change we reap from what we sow with our own babies now. 

Happy Mother's Day, from our herd to yours.

I Wanna Go to AWANA :)

We love that our kids get to be a part of a fantastic AWANA program at our church. We had our end of the year awards ceremony this past Wednesday. So proud of both my little elephants.... Pink Elephant got to say the Cubbies key verse during the program, and did an excellent job. Blue Elephant finished 2 years worth of work in just one! (Playing catch up since he was still a Cubbie during his Kindergarten year.) Daddy Elephant and I are proud of each of our little clubbers! :)

 

Pink Elephant learned 28 verses this year, and will be moving up to the Sparks Club in the fall. Blue Elephant learned 85 verses this year, and will be entering his last year of Sparks as a 2nd grader this fall. Great work, AWANA elephants! Love, M.E.